Day 73: Wednesday 22nd May

Sublime moment - C1 and C2 begging for fish, mash and parsley sauce for their tea tonight. Lo - 2 pieces of fish left in the freezer, and on close examination of a flower pot in the garden - winter-surviving parsley is there in abundance! Woop! Proper mash, proper parsley sauce, proper fish. A feast.

Followed later by a session of streetdance - meaning I have 50 minutes alone in the car to do some crochet! Result.

Meanwhile, today is being spent immersed in papers from all over the country (except Worcestershire) - until it is time to go and rescue C2 from his school-based penance. This morning he had a good go at my heart-strings by stating how much he hates school. His reason for this is that he has worked out that during a school week, he spends more waking hours there, than with 'mummy'. Oh, I could have just turned the car round and brought him home, but that would be both naughty, silly, and unnecessary. 

He hobbled into school, forgetting which knee was supposed to be the injured one, made me laugh with a quick arm-wrestle on the path, and didn't look back for a 3rd wave. 

C2 is all set for a week off. Totally tired out with a capital K. One more day, involving non-uniform, and that's it for a week. The idea of getting her up early on Friday to go camping is slightly daunting, but she is already planning how to use her fishing net to grab a crab! Not sure about what she plans to do with it, should it succumb to the net, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

I need to pop in to see Auntie K, who had a heart attack this time last week. She is only 41, and the sister of BabyDaddy. It was a shock to all that this should happen to her. There are no words. A major blip in the life of K. She is home from hospital, with a long journey of rehab ahead of her. Not what you wish for anyone.

Also need to pop in to see Mummy and Daddy, who seem, once again, to be not getting enough of my attention. I feel this acutely. Life is very very busy, but maybe not too busy to include a pop-in. Trouble is, a pop-in isn't enough. I want to give more time to them. 

BabyDaddy is having a tough time of it. His late-night call was indicative of another dip in his mood, and although I sometimes feel in danger of repeating myself, I impart some advice...

...about eating properly (ie including carbohydrate in his diet), 

...sharing out his limited income carefully so that he allocates enough to be able to feed himself and C1 and C2 over the 2 days in 14 when he has them,

...sourcing free activities and stuff to do with them while they are with him, that don't involve either travelling or spending money on tat, 

...maybe seeking out a support group for those unfortunate enough to suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder, and if there isn't one, setting one up,

...doing some voluntary work with people, to get him out of the flat, out of the habit of navel-gazing and living in the past, and into the nice warm fuzzy world of helping other people. He won't get paid, but he will be out there doing good. Even if it is simply sitting nattering to some elderly people in the old folk's home opposite his flat!

The notion of something falling on deaf ears is loud and clear, but at least I know I have tried. The fact that we are 2 weeks away from a decree absolute ending our marriage doesn't switch off the caring, or the wanting to help. I feel strong and able to listen to him. I just wish that the part of his brain that causes all the trouble could just switch off and allow him to breathe.

Now where did I put my red pen...... ?