Upping the dosage of the 'happy pills' again - higher than I've had before. Hoping for a regain in the energy, positivity and general joy that I have been feeling over the last few months. Losing that feeling has been devastating.
Life is busy, no doubt about that. Pulling back from non-essential things has happened, and I don't think there is anything else that I can change.
I am not prepared to take cover, as my body and mind want me to. It is not possible to take refuge in the duvet when there are so many avenues that I need to travel. The luxury of withdrawal from it all is not mine.
C1 and C2 are with BabyDaddy this weekend. I have slept for 12 hours, and feel a lot better. I hope I can salvage some of this weekend for some nice times.
2 days to go before I celebrate a full year of the transformation of me. It's been a rocky road, and it certainly isn't over yet. Consultant care continues for at least another year, and the Bariatric Dynamic Duo (dietician Emma and nurse Karen) are still on my case. Blood tests every 12 weeks, jabs, extra pills, more focus on nutrients (and malabsorption issues) and a continued effort to up the exercise (limited by knees) and tame the aprons of loose skin that seem to be developing.
All worth it though. I can't even think about going back to where I was last year.
It's not all grim. It just seems to be a little tricky to see all the loveliness in my life when the black dog is sitting firmly on my shoulders again. There is no rhyme or reason to why the hound should have returned. But he is only a squatter - he is not welcome, and he is on borrowed time!
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